It’s Out of My Hands

One of the most difficult conversations to have as a coach is a conversation where a client realizes something along the lines of “this is totally out of my hands.” 

No one comes to a coach wanting to feel that they don’t have the power to make a difference in their own life. They come to a coach to make a plan and get $*&% done!

Every day I work with people to make plans and get $&*# done. That kind of proactive thinking is central to my work as a coach. 

And also, we often have to live with the reality that there is only so much we can do. That, even if we gave it 100% or 150% sometimes that still wouldn’t be enough to ensure things go our way.

Understanding how much is out of my hands has been a decades long journey for me personally. When I was younger, I was so confident that my efforts mattered - that I could control the outcomes of things I cared about.   

These days, I am much more cautious in assuming that my efforts will result in the outcomes I seek. I am so much more aware of all of the things I can’t control. And humble about my own agency in my successes. 

So as a coach, it is my job to help people not only understand when something is truly out of their hands, but also to come to terms with that.

What does that mean about what they should do or not do right now? How does it feel to not have control? How can they change their perspective on the situation to be able to handle this reality?

I’m reminded of a pithy Maya Angelou quote that is painted on the side of a building in my neighborhood:

“If you don't like something, change it. If you can't change it, change your attitude.”

A simple concept to understand - and an incredibly difficult one to put into practice. 

I know I’ll be working on this for the rest of my life.