Who to Call When $@#& Hits the Fan
When $@#% hits the fan, who do you call? I know for me, there are a few people that I can trust to talk me off the ledge. For my clients, I often play that role. I’ve been on both sides of that “emergency” conversation over the last few weeks and I’ve been reflecting on what I want when I pick up the phone to make that call.
Here are a few thoughts on what to look for in a friend or colleague if you are in that moment of need. (or if someone calls you - how you might show up for them).
Their first job is to listen - When you need to talk, and you call a friend or colleague, the first thing you should be looking for is someone who will listen. It sounds simple, but often is easier said than done. Listening means not interrupting. It means not making it about them. It means really letting you talk it out. One of the things that is amazing to watch as a coach is how, with enough time to talk and process, people can move through a difficult topic with very little help.
Their only agenda should be your agenda -In a moment of need, you need to know that they just want what’s best for you. If they have a bias or a preference in the situation, you may not feel safe enough in the conversation to really benefit from it. If you are worried about following their advice or letting them down - that conversation may not serve you. For start up founders for example - investors can often be a great source of support in these moments, but they do bring an agenda that can influence a conversation.
They should honor your emotions - In a moment of crisis your emotions can be all over the map. It is often hard to understand what they are telling you. A good listener can help you name and understand those emotions. And taking a moment to feel and understand those emotions can be a turning point as you move through an issue. In the business world we are often taught either directly or indirectly to avoid conversations about emotions, but in tense moments like these - they are unavoidable and actually can be a source of wisdom and direction.
They shouldn’t jump into solution mode - While it’s tempting to think a friend can “solve your problem,” chances are, they aren’t going to have a better solution than what you can come up with - given your intimate knowledge of the situation. So instead of thinking, who is a “good problem solver?” think about who would be good at asking questions and listening while you wrestle with what to do next. Often a solution can arise organically through an open and low pressure conversation. Other times, it might make sense to game out various solutions, once you’ve had time to process what’s at stake. And still other times there may not even be a solution - you just need to be heard.
Next time you are feeling the need to pick up the phone and ask for help - I hope these ideas will help you decide who to call. And if you get one of these calls - hopefully you'll be able to show up for a friend when they really need you.