Being the Hero

As a leader and as a parent - it feels good to be the hero. To have the right answer. To rescue the person that relies on you.

But lately I’ve been thinking a lot about the tradeoffs inherent in fostering self reliance. Teaching someone to stand on their own two feet often means making a judgment about how much pain is ok for someone else to bear.

Every parent has wrestled with this tradeoff. It’s an easy one to illustrate by looking at the extreme ends of the spectrum.

If I always catch my kid when they are about to fall - they will never understand gravity and won’t learn their own limits. They’ll be reliant on their parent to be safe at the playground. Or if I always rescue them from a bully (like their older sibling?) they will never learn to defend themselves.

On the other hand, I am not going to let them run into the street - because the cost of that lesson might be too high.

When it comes to showing up as a leader we have to reckon with the same tradeoffs.

Are we letting our people experience the repercussions of their actions? Or are we swooping in to fix or solve things for them so they don’t experience those repercussions.

The ends of the spectrum again are easy to illustrate. We probably wouldn’t let our direct report crash and burn in front of the CEO or a key prospect if we knew we could help. The cost of that lesson might be too high.

On the other hand - we can’t do their work for them - they need to continue to do and own more if they are going to succeed in their roles. And part of that means ensuring they truly feel the repercussions of sub par work product. Those learning moments are key to how they will learn and grow.

Where it gets really tricky of course is in the middle of that spectrum.

When is “saving” someone actually detrimental for their long term development? When is staying out the way just too costly in the short term?

As a parents and leaders I think we can all agree that over the long term we want to move in the direction of fostering independence and self reliance.

But how are we showing up today?