Can’t We All Just Get Along?
Can’t we all just get along!?
That intention so pervades the way I interact socially that I often see it bleed into my professional relationships.
And for so many reasons I am learning to question that instinct when it comes to my professional relationships.
Don’t get me wrong, many of the things I take pride in, and some of my most effective qualities, have been honed through relating to friends or in social situations over the years.
And yet, this way of engaging - ensuring people are comfortable, lowering the temperature, cracking a joke at an awkward time - can work against me in my professional life.
The world of business is often about trade offs. And trade offs aren’t comfortable. They mean making a sacrifice. They mean one path being prioritized over another. Even if you are just making a decision about your own work or your own behavior - you are leaving other paths behind. And there is inherently a loss in that. And that is uncomfortable to confront.
In my work with individual clients - my instinct of “it will all be ok, let’s make the best of it, let’s not go to the uncomfortable place” - can be downright unhelpful. My job is often to take someone directly to that uncomfortable place and hold them there. Somewhere they haven’t wanted to or been able to go.
As leaders, when we shy away from those socially uncomfortable conversations - who are we serving? Are we postponing a hard decision? Are we teaching our people how to make tough decisions? Are we being transparent with our people about what is really at stake?
I’ve found that holding tension is especially hard when the tension is directly with me. When I have something at risk in the moment. When I make a pitch or take a risk in a conversation and then shut my mouth. What are they going to say? It would be easier to walk it back, to soften it. But I’ve been trying hard to work inside that tension more and more.
That tension, that place of uncomfort - that is where learning happens. That is where change can emerge.